


Hot Crossed Buns

by danceswithgary



Series: Bedtime Stories [3]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-23
Updated: 2008-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-03 05:24:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you suddenly have an overwhelming need to say 'Malkovich'?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Crossed Buns

[  
Click for Full Size](http://pics.livejournal.com/danceswithgary/pic/000b0q21)

  
"Goo...morn', sleepyhead."

Eyes still closed against the sunlight pouring in, Lex smiled at the words mumbled into his shoulder, basking in the warm strength curled along his back. "I'm the sleepyhead? You're the one that's late for milking the cows, farm boy." He laughed at the blunt fingers that trailed along his ribs searching for ticklish spots, finally rolling over to grin into sleepy hazel eyes. "Personally, I was beginning to think you didn't know _how_ to sleep past sunrise."

A devilish leer was his only warning before he found himself pinned to the bed by a solid, well-muscled body. "I have an excuse this morning. _Someone_ kept me up all night."

Lex's grin widened. "Who was the importunate beast? Just give me a name and I'll have the fiend dealt with immediately." He wiggled teasingly under the welcome weight before lifting his head to whisper against a dark-stubbled jaw, "Mmmm. From what I can feel right now, you're still _up_, Clark."

Clark's response was a moan and sliding pressure along the crease of Lex's hip. Full lips descended to Lex's, drinking Lex's answering groan. Teasing words were abandoned for a catch of breath, a hiss of satisfaction. Their movements were blissfully languorous, a slow build after a night of frantic touches and hard-driving thrusts. The catch of skin chafed tender flesh until a spill of warm liquid eased the way, lips and tongues too busy for complaints, hands too occupied to search for a slick relief. Soft release washed over them, sharp need blunted against morning indolence, and Lex felt Clark relax against him, murmuring, contented.

After glancing at the clock beside the bed, Lex grimaced, reluctant to disturb Clark, but knowing he'd hate being late. Combing through Clark's tousled curls, Lex chided in teasing tones, "I thought you wanted to be at the hotel in time for the breakfast meet-and-greet?"

Clark stiffened and pushed up and away from Lex, his eyes comically wide in dismay. "Crap! What time is it?" He scrambled out of bed, his flat belly smeared and still glistening from the morning's interlude, his movements jerky with excitement. Scrubbing his hands through his messy hair, he hurried into the bathroom, calling back, "Come on, Lex! We've only got about ten minutes to get ready!"

"We have plenty of time, Clark. Relax. Everyone else is probably still sleeping in..." Lex chuckled at the sight of Clark dashing back into the bedroom and rummaging frantically through the closet for a shirt. "...or running around like a crazy person." He crawled out of bed and sauntered toward the bathroom, narrowly avoiding collision with a six-foot-three kamikaze. "Clark, stop. Let's take a shower and then get dressed and then we'll go downstairs and walk one block over and join everyone in the hotel's restaurant and we'll pretend that you're not about to explode from sheer excitement. Okay?" He reached out and halted Clark's frantic rush with a palm to the broad chest. "There's an advantage to being the convention organizer with many, _many_ minions ready and waiting to take care of the details. Chill, fanboy."

Lex's fond smile removed any sting from his teasing words, and Clark deflated with a sigh, his face reflecting his reluctant agreement. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just that it's my first con and I'm getting a chance to meet all these people I only know from their journals and IM. And you even arranged for the actors! It's...."

"Exciting and scary. I know. I also know you're going to end up charming the hell out of them. I'll end up standing around in the background being extremely jealous of everyone fawning over my handsome and talented farm boy."

With one step, Clark had Lex scooped up into his arms and hugged against his chest. He tipped his head down and leaned his forehead against Lex's, his face solemn as he promised, "You don't need to worry about me, Lex. I know how lucky I am that I have a one-of-a-kind, even-more-handsome boyfriend. There's no chance I'll find someone better and trade you in. You, on the other hand...."

Lex deposited a kiss on the end of Clark's nose before shaking his head with a forgiving chuckle. "Ditto. There's no one else like you. Now, let's get ready, shall we?"

 

. . .

 

The odd popping sensation in Lex's ears didn't really register until after he'd pushed all the way through the revolving door into the hotel lobby. He yawned in an attempt to clear the pressure and then stopped without warning a few steps past the lobby entrance, forcing Clark to catch him as he bumped into Lex from behind. Lex's comment was less than elegant. "What the fuck?"

"Lex?" Clark shifted Lex to one side to see what the problem was, and then his jaw joined Lex's on the marble tiles. "Is that...? What's going on here? Who...?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Lex muttered, "Do you suddenly have an overwhelming need to say 'Malkovich'?"

The crowd of leanly elegant bald men intermixed with tall, lanky brunets turned en masse to greet the new arrivals. Lex immediately noted that not only did the men seem to have appropriated his and Clark's features, but they were also all wearing the same outfits, making it impossible to tell any of them apart. A few of the imposters shouted, "Grab his arm and don't let go!" milling around before surging forward. "We're still trying to figure out what's happening and who belongs together!"

Quickly deciding that it was an excellent suggestion, Lex snatched at Clark's nearest wrist and clamped down tight, groaning, "Oh, great. They pulled out the flannel. It figures. Stay with me, Clark. We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise." He strode toward the group of imitation Lex Luthors and Clark Kents, his grimace barely disguised as a thin smile. "Is this someone's idea of a joke?"

Chaos broke loose, with everyone trying to offer explanations and suggestions.

"No joke that we know of."

"We just walked through a door and ended up here. Not the same door we started out with, and we can't get back out."

"Seems to be some kind of force field around the place. Where is here, anyway?"

"Metropolis, of course. Didn't you look out the window?"

"A lot of good that does me. I haven't been there in years."

"We were in Smallville, but this definitely isn't the Talon."

"Did I hit my head on the surfboard again, Lex?"

"We lost our wedding rings!"

"Kal, can you _see_ anything?"

"Nothing inside the walls or ceiling. Projected, maybe?"

"Lex, I can _see_ again. This has to be a dream."

"Oh my God, Lex! Your hand! It's back!"

"Quiet! Everyone shut up for a minute!"

The babble trickled to a halt as everyone looked up at the Lex standing on top of the reception desk, a Clark hovering nearby to ensure he wouldn't fall. Even perched precariously above the crowd, Lex exuded the typical power and grace intrinsic to a Luthor. Smoothing down the front of his well-tailored black jacket, he nodded to his audience before speaking. "As the President of the United States...." A renewed rumble caused him to raise his hand in a soothing fashion before continuing, "I know, I know. We've already established that we're not all the same Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but I am used to handling crisis situations, so let's run with it for a while. We can entertain alternate solutions as soon as we establish some baselines. Fair enough?"

Glances were exchanged and the majority of heads nodded in agreement. Rubbing his neck in a characteristic gesture, the President sighed and began to list their discoveries. "First of all, how many of you managed to keep together after you entered? Could you stand over on the right so we can see who's left?" Four pairs separated from the crowd, leaving a substantial number of unpaired couples. The President frowned. "Damn, I thought we did better than that, but it did take a while to realize what was going on. Okay. We seem to be stuck inside this room, Clark can't see any transmitters in the walls, and there seems to be some sort of force field he can't break through...or hear through, for that matter. Raise your hand if you have anything else to add."

The room was silent for a few moments, and then a few hands slowly began waving in the air. The President began to select speakers one at a time with gesture and a nod.

"Based on what I've heard, it appears to be both a temporal and a spatial displacement, but we're not just our past and future selves."

"I agree. For one thing, how did my hand grow back and Clark regain his eyesight?"

"Some of us are married, we have different jobs...."

"Who is this 'Superman' a few of you mentioned?"

Standing to one side, Lex felt his palm begin to sweat where he was still gripping Clark's wrist. He would have liked to wipe it dry, but the thought of being separated from _his_ Clark made his stomach clench. He leaned up to whisper, "I've always thought of alternate universes as a plot device. They aren't _real_."

Clark shook his head absently, unable to pry his fascinated eyes away from the ongoing debate. "I think there are a few dozen Clark Kents and Lex Luthors standing here ready to argue that point."

"What are they talking about..._seeing_ through things and expecting to break down walls. Is that part of...."

Clark's shoulders stiffened and Lex felt his arm jerk. After taking a deep breath, Clark turned to look down into Lex's face with a faint, conciliatory smile. "It looks like some of them managed to get past the secrets, hunh?" He shrugged and ducked his head in the shy manner that invariably melted Lex's heart. "I always meant to tell you some day...soon. I never liked keeping things from you, Lex."

Lex sighed and squeezed Clark's wrist. "I know, farm boy. I could always tell. Should we...?" An increase in the noise level caught his attention, and they both turned back to see what new problem had arisen.

"So, it's agreed we'll finish finding our partners before we split up to work on how to get out of here. The Luthors will come up here one at a time and list off enough information about their Clarks so they can be identified. I've already found mine. He claimed me when I introduced myself as the President." He accepted his Clark's assistance down from his lofty perch and stepped to the side.

"I _was_ the President." A Lex stepped forward to stand in front of the reception desk. "That time and space displacement is pretty gorram spectacular, considering it spanned half the galaxy...and five hundred years."

"That's _my_ Lex, the _Founder_!"

The future Lex rolled his eyes, but accepted the broad hand held out to him, grumbling something about hating that title as he and his Clark walked over to the right.

"I have my hand back. It seems that's unique." The next Lex stepped forward, holding up the hand in question.

"No, I lost mine, too, in a lab accident." Another Lex in the crowd raised his hand.

A Clark called back, "Opera?" A grin was his answer, and they met in the middle with a kiss before leaving to join the other reunited. Another Clark pushed his way forward and stood waiting quietly for the first Lex to murmur something about sunsets and lead him away.

"I'm not the President. I work for the FBI. I met Clark on a case."

"I'm FBI, too, but Clark Kent is an entirely different person as far as I'm concerned. I'm looking for Kal. Kal L. Josephs." The second agent was scooped up in a hug as he apologized, "I'm sorry, Kal. The cuff is gone."

"As soon as we get back, the girls and I are going to have to burn the flannel...again. I'll be lucky if Devon doesn't insist on a complete makeover." The Clark that made his way to the front grinned at his FBI boyfriend. "One time as a model's science project was enough." He grabbed that Lex's hand and pulled him over to the side.

"We thought we were walking into a dance competition."

"Mine!"

"Naman?"

"Segeeth!"

Suddenly, a Clark interjected, instead of a Lex. "Itahu?"

"K'El, *nuttah*!"

The identification process moved quickly for a few more couples, but then the differences became a little harder to pin down after the marriages spanning several centuries, odd professions, allergies to pink, and past amnesia victims were sorted out.

One disgruntled Lex muttered, "It would probably help to be able to call Bruce."

"Bruce Wayne? Why would I want to bring in that asshole after he tried to take Clark away from me? If it wasn't for J'onn and Diana...."

"Telethnan?"

"God, get over here, Clark. The last thing we need is to be separated again, telethnan."

Slowly but surely, all the pairs were identified, and the President had his Clark hand out nametags commandeered from the convention materials, assigning matching numbers to each pair to avoid having to repeat the painful process. Taking his place in front of the assembly, the President clapped his hands for attention. "All right, everyone. Now that we've pinpointed our proper matches, we need to figure out how to get back to where we belong."

In the middle of the generally agreeable throng, one Lex objected, "I disagree. We should attempt to determine who caused this. After that, we'll have a better idea how to reverse it."

"Why don't we begin by trying every possible exit, starting with the revolving door we all entered through?" A third Lex broke away from the crowd, tugging his Clark after him. The other pairs stayed in place, convinced they would be watching yet another collision with the one-way force field. To everyone's surprise, the pair entered the revolving door and disappeared from sight.

"That was...unexpected." The President seemed to be at a loss for words for a few moments, but quickly recovered. "Of course, we don't know where they ended up...."

"It worked!" The pair reappeared, shooting out from the revolving door with the trailing Clark protesting vigorously about adrenaline junkies who needed to stick to racing cars not jumping dimensions. "We got back to ours �" we checked the Daily Planet banner to be sure. Come on!" They were gone again before the revolving door could slow to a halt.

"So we...just leave?" It was apparent that many of the Lex components of the pairs were less than happy to abandon the investigation, but ultimately none of them were willing to risk being cut off from their universes for the sake of knowing _why_ they had been gathered together and then released. One by one, the couples exited, finally leaving behind only the President, the convention organizer, and the Clarks who had accompanied them.

"I take it that this is your world?" The President's eyes looked weary, despite his youthful appearance, and Lex wondered what the other man had lived through to produce the shadows.

Lex restrained his natural curiosity, reluctant to delay the President and his matching Clark, who happened to be of the 'Superman' persuasion. "It's ours, but I think we'll still need to leave to break back into 'realtime.' Still, as scary as this has been, it was nice to find out that we...Clark and Lex...belong together, despite all the other differences."

The President offered his hand and shook Lex's firmly, agreeing, "Stuff of legends." Taking his Clark's hand, he nodded to the remaining pair, and then he and his companion walked through the revolving door and back into their proper time and space.

Watching the final exit, Lex felt a shiver run up his spine. The hotel lobby was empty and he and Clark were the only occupants, despite the fact that the convention should have been in full swing by then. Squaring his shoulders, he grabbed Clark's hand and squeezed it before advancing toward the exit. The door moved easily, and this time he noticed the popping sensation right away as they emerged into the morning sunshine. Passing quickly under the large banner over the hotel's entrance announcing the three-day 'Con-Catenation,' they walked out to the busy sidewalks of Metropolis. Taking a deep breath of the ozone-tainted air, Lex let himself sag a little in relief, still holding tight to Clark's hand.

They stood there for a minute, not sure what to do next, and watched as two men deep in conversation passed by on their way into the hotel. One was lean with a wildly rambunctious head of hair and stood a few inches taller than his stockier companion, who was graced with a receding hairline, broad shoulders and stunning blue eyes. The shorter man was speaking quickly, waving his hands emphatically while the word 'Atlantis' and the letters 'Z-P-M' floated by on the slight breeze of their passage.

"They look famil...." Clark whirled around and watched as the two men entered the revolving door, accompanied by the distinctive sound. He turned back slowly, shaking his head. "Do you think that was really them? Should we...?"

Lex grabbed Clark's elbow and hurried him down the sidewalk, heading for the penthouse. "All I want to do now is to go home and pretend this was all a dream so I can wake up next to you in my bed and spend the day there. Safe. Together. In _our_ world. Fucking as many times as we can manage to get it up. I'll even wait to hear any secrets you want to share with me."

"But what about...?"

"As far as alternate universes are concerned, Clark, I have only one thing to say."

"What's that, Lex?"

"Don't ask and don't tell."

**Author's Note:**

> [Cover Art](http://pics.livejournal.com/danceswithgary/pic/000b0q21)  
> Written in response to 2008 Kink/Cliche Challenge. Prompt: Crossovers (characters thrust into other universes; canon universes merged; sex between characters played by same actor). I chose to crossover with AU's I've created for CLex as the third story in the Bedtime 'Verse'. Yes, it was a self-indulgent exercise, but I couldn't resist. Many thanks to my beta, jakrar - all remaining mistakes are most definitely mine.
> 
> For anyone interested in which AU's I used in addition to the _Bedtime 'Verse_ (in order of appearance - not even close to all I've written):  
> [You Still Own Me](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/201403.html)  
> [Speak Not In Whispers](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/105555.html) or [Do You Believe In Magic?](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/144522.html)  
> [Golden Slumbers](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/188559.html) and [Wait](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/228376.html)  
> [The Rarer Action](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/95985.html)  
> [Sunsets](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/111868.html)  
> [Dalla Luce Della Luna (By the Light of the Moon)](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/188355.html)  
> [Head Over Heels](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/17810.html)  
> [In His Image](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/85480.html)  
> [Dance With Your Heart](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/134731.html)  
> [Once In A Blue Moon](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/158205.html)  
> [Destiny's Savage Heart](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/83481.html)  
> [Destiny Wears A Disguise](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/82722.html)  
> Odd professions not already matched: [His Alibi](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/2229.html)(author/circus owner), [Still Breathing](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/6800.html)(street performer/con artist), [Regarding Lex](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/25363.html) (author/lawyer), [You've Got Mail!](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/42087.html) (author/bookstore owner), [Who Needs An Apple?](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/85504.html) (teacher), [Sculpted from Life](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/231864.html) (inventor), [Ask Me Why I Did It](http://danceswithgary.livejournal.com/227099.html)


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